Finding Forty, Day 279; Waterfalls

No news is good news, they say.   In my case, no news is just no news.  The pink slip hasn't arrived.  It looms overhead like a huge, dark cloud ready to burst at the seams.   I can don my purple Wellies, have my umbrella in hand, but the inevitable drenching will come.

It's the week before Spring Break, so I have to confess that it is hard to get motivated to do much of anything professionally.   My mind is already on vacation.

R is flying in from Chicago and a few other friends are gathering to enjoy some much needed time together.    We have been sending a flurry of emails to and fro, back and forth, discussing everything from accessories and clothes to where to eat out and what to do.  It's so exciting, I can hardly stand the wait.

The other cloud in my mind, though, is that the "anniversary" of when my affair officially began with S is at the end of the week and I keep fighting the urge to drop into dwelling on that time in my life.  For 15 years or so, he traveled here during this time of the month for a tournament and I keep wondering if he'll be here this year.  Last year he skipped, because of everything that happened with us, so I'm just going to assume he won't be here this year either.

I know I shouldn't even entertain such thoughts, but it's hard.

So, there is good and bad.  Happy and sad.  

Life, I suppose.

When I think back to all those years I lived just coasting down the stream, never having to give thought to anything other than a pesky bug buzzing in my ear, I'm overcome with the urge to either laugh or cry.

There is no coasting now and it seems the rapids come harder and stronger with every passing day.    If there is a waterfall somewhere down the way, I almost welcome it.  At least it provides a change from this worrisome, hectic, exhausting pace.