Choices

My face is sticky and salty.   The tears have surely stained their way down and are pooling right under my chin.

I'm sad today.

A and I have our court date to finalize our divorce.   July 12.   After all this time, it's finally here and my heart is breaking.

He is such a good man, I feel devastated that I broke him like I did.   My mind cannot grasp how I could have done something so horrible, so wrong, so incredibly hurtful to a person who's only 'sin' was staying busy and not knowing how to reach me in a way that I could comprehend.

If ever you find yourself feeling unhappy, unsure, in a state of unrest about your relationship, please know that having an affair is not the answer.   Nothing good will ever come from the lies and hurt that result due to a relationship outside of your marriage.   Nothing.

I've taken 24 years of friendship and trust and completely thrown it away.  

I'm not saying that our marriage was strong enough to stand the test of time, but it might have been.   We had something special, we always felt so different, we were a team-until I got lost and drifted away.

I should have been honest, upstanding, handled myself with grace and integrity and  instead I chose the path of lies and destruction.  I'm so ashamed.

Saying I'm sorry doesn't come anywhere close to how remorseful I am.

This may very well be my biggest regret ever.