Finding Forty, Day 2: Tipsy Tales

Tonight a group of my co workers took me out for dinner and drinks.   To say it was wonderful is a complete and total understatement.

There were nine of us total and it was an amazing, eclectic mix of strong, intelligent, humorous women.  I loved every nano second of it.

For starters, our lesbian friend joined us.   This friend of mine is one of the most amazing women I have ever known who also happens to be a lesbian.  She is SO unbelievably cool that you find yourself gravitating towards her and wanting her attention no matter what is going on.  To say she rocks would fall quite short of doing her justice.   She is an amazing person and I am blessed to be her friend.

The rest of the group was a mix of open minded and fairly cautious minded people.   Not necessarily my most comfortable crowd.   I was okay with laughing about a few embarrassing gaffes at my expense at work last week, but I wasn't comfortable enough to describe to them the new vibrator I hope to procure by week's end.   I am very out there, very open and very scary.    Soon enough, the ones that can't or aren't willing to handle me will weed themselves out.

Telling them how amazing my orgasm was this afternoon just seemed way out of bounds.   Describing the new dildo I'd like to buy some time soon seemed unnecessary.   And yet, sadly, that is what is on my mind as the evening ends.

Yes, they *know* me to a certain extent.    What they dont know is how often and how hard I like to be fucked.   It's scary, really.    What else they don't happen to know is how precariously perched my marriage happens to be, so those opportunities to act out on the most basic of human needs is being drastically cut down.

Very scary and very hard to deal with.

I apologize for the honesty, but that is what I am feeling and thinking tonight on this 2nd day of being 40.

That I didn't really share it with my coworkers is probably MORE than fine.   I guess I'm off to deal with the reality that is my marriage.


Peace out,
K