Tonight I feel utterly and totally gross.
For the past year or more, my life has been in upheaval and I've taken to drinking and eating excesively to make myself feel better.
Funny thing though, it inevitably makes me feel worse and in all this time, I'm just now realizing this.
I wanted to be 40 and fabuluous, not 40 and flabulous! My dream as I grow older is to expand my horizons, not my waistline or bra size.
My body doesn't respond like it used to to working out. I'm not sure if it's a case of the extra pounds making it harder for me or just simple burnout. Either way, my back hurts all the time, especially after working out. I know that I have to lose the weight, though, so that I can work out and help the back feel better. It's a mad cycle. I plan to swim all summer long and see if that helps restore a sense of peace and fitness in my life.
With this new chapter of my life, it seems fitting to begin a new fitness regime.
Instead of indulging in fattening food and copious amounts of alcohol, I can feast upon finding the new and improved me. The one I've been searching for all this time, just in all the wrong places.
Peace,
K
In 2010, I turned 40 and spent a great part of that year figuring out some serious stuff in my life. Newly 42, I'm still on the path of discovery but feel I've come quite far. This tiny space is my save haven, one of the only places I can come to work through my worries, fears, exaltations, and endeavors. Thank you to those who've helped me along the way and those of you who stop by to read my crazy thoughts. Enjoy!
Quit filling your voids with food and liquour.
ReplyDeleteJust...quit it. Period. Full stop. NOW.
Hey, I just started reading your blog and this is as far as I've gotten so far. It's actually hard for me to read because I'm going through the same thing. Have been for the past year. I recently quit drinking because it got way out of control and now I'm drinking tea like it's the fountain of youth. It's boring. It sucks. I want a drink. I want chocolate. I want to say two things; even if you do find your ideal fitness it probably won't change anything; and your drunk blog made perfect sense to me.
ReplyDeleteI did that a few years ago and still didn't lose weight. I drank with my pathetic asshole neighbors whom I thought were my friends and still am fat and depressed. It didn't fill the void but just went in, deposited more on my back end then went out...
ReplyDelete