Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 222; Faking It

I woke up grumpy today.   R, my best friend, tells me to be careful on days like today because whatever energy I send out into the world is what I will receive in return.

Sometimes I jump on board that logic, other times I want to yell, "bite me!"

Today was one of those days.

I found myself thinking of Katrina Kenison and her quest for a simply, splendid, ordinary day and realized my upper lip had curled into a snarl.


My ordinary day today consisted of ripped tights, 4 zits on my face, pants that barely buttoned around my blossoming mid line, crazy ass work day where I felt less than sub par, and a harried trip to the grocery store in which I forgot two of the most basic staples of all, milk and eggs.

As I left work this afternoon, I thought I might head to Ikea because they are having a sale.   In less than a month, I will vacate my temporary abode at my friend's house and rent a nice, two bedroom, two bath apartment just minutes from A and the boys.

For the first time in my adult life, I'll be living on my own, like a big girl.   Okay, yes, I moved out last summer (twice, actually) to the apartment I rented.   But it was different.  I absolutely did it believing that S would meet me there every other weekend and we'd spend blissful hours under my stark white bedding.

This time around there's no S and there's no A.   There's only K.   Me.   And it's weird.

Walking through the cavernous aisles of Ikea I was overwhelmed by the enormity of what lies ahead.

I was sad to be there alone, having only ever really shopped there as a couple with A or for items to share with S.

This time, knowing my purchases would be for me and the boys, I was at a loss.

When I think ahead to the apartment and getting to furnish it just as I please, I do feel a twinge of excitement.   I know I can't afford much of anything right now, so my plan is to go slow, only spending money on things I absolutely need and/or love.

I guess that is actually a good thing, but it's quite hard to feel that way about it now.

This morning, I texted A and asked three questions:

"So we are really staying apart?"

"A 9 month lease is okay?"

"And that apartment seemed okay?"

The replies that popped up were:

"Yes"

"Yes"

"Yes"

Sometimes it's hard to fake finding an ordinary day like today beautiful.

6 comments:

  1. I liked this post. Your writing is getting a little closer to the core, to the nugget...to what makes you unique and individual. I've enjoyed following along, especially lately. I hope you enjoy that new apartment...a new start.

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  2. Your writing gets better and better; I like reading it more and more. Maybe it's time to change the wine picture at the beginning to just one glass. ???

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  3. Sometimes it's hard to fake finding an ordinary day like today beautiful.
    *************************************************
    Compare it, mentally, to any one of your recent Very Bad Days.
    Today will shine and glow by contrast.

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  4. Better days lie ahead, Kate. I admit that this week wasn't my best one and that I have a personal right to feel like crap, but I try to not let it get me down too much...

    Continue living. Keep experiencing your life. Better days are ahead!

    -Your Cheerleader

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  5. If we never felt down, we wouldn't know when we are up. In that, days like you describe here have their own beauty, whether you see it at the time or not.

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