I don't know what is happening to me. I keep feeling like I've made a huge, huge mistake. Images are flashing through my mind of all the years A and I have spent together, all of our laughs, all of our adventures, even the not so amazing ones.
I miss them. I miss him.
What have I done?
What am I doing?
Is this fear talking or is this how I truly feel?
It seems real to me, seems honest, seems true.
We have such a history together and three, beautiful children.
I feel sick to my stomach.
Being here tonight hurts.
Maybe tomorrow will be better, it's a busy day for sure.
In 2010, I turned 40 and spent a great part of that year figuring out some serious stuff in my life. Newly 42, I'm still on the path of discovery but feel I've come quite far. This tiny space is my save haven, one of the only places I can come to work through my worries, fears, exaltations, and endeavors. Thank you to those who've helped me along the way and those of you who stop by to read my crazy thoughts. Enjoy!
What have I done?
ReplyDeleteYou have taken a step out of The Known.
What am I doing?
You might not know, but you'll figure it out step by step.
Is this fear talking or is this how I truly feel?
Yes, and yes.
It seems real to me, seems honest, seems true.
It is real, it is honest, and it is true.
But it is not necessarily permanent.
We have such a history together and three, beautiful children.
The history and the children will continue to be. Future change does not alter the factual past and present.
I feel sick to my stomach.
Fear of the unknown can do that to a person. Better to feel the feelings than to deny them.
Being here tonight hurts.
I bet it does. And it will, from time to time. But you have reasons for your being where you are.
Maybe tomorrow will be better, it's a busy day for sure.
Tomorrow will be different. Better, worse... Different.
live with no regret, remember; the world is still your oyster.
ReplyDeleteLoss always hurts. Moving forward also can be very painful. You will never find yourself without being vulnerable and authentic. I see you are willing to experience both. You will keep moving forward.
ReplyDelete