Tonight I feel a bit like the Beatles (and when you read Beatles you have to say it with an accent, please). You know..."The Bee-Tulls".
I'm here, there, and everywhere and I'm not talking about my 'love'.
I'm talking about my head, my thoughts.
Writing tonight is just a joke, really.
Do I write about A's visit to the bankruptcy attorney today? Yes, he went today but I'm not ready to dissect it all. At this point in time, surprisingly, I have fairly neutral thoughts on it.
Do I write about the fact that I have a new, healthy obsession in my life? No, it's not Tofurkey, although during one of my vegan stints in life, I actually ate that for Thanksgiving Dinner. The newest passion is the chance I have to teach reading and thinking about it is consuming many of my thoughts.
Do I write about the stomach thing I have going on that, I kid you not, feels like I have a 5 month old fetus dancing in my uterus? I am not pregnant and certainly if I were to miraculously be am not far enough along to feel a baby's feet pressing on me from the inside out. And yet, that is precisely what this feels like. It's freaky bizarre. Could I have been ravaged by an alien in my sleep? It would totally blow if I had, I mean, who'd want to miss alien sex?
Where do I start? What do I say?
Focus, Kate, focus!
Maybe it's best that I just admit that I'm too scattered tonight to be of much good.
So, to sum it up. My Beatles state of mind finds me unsure about my financial future, unsure about my marital future, unsure about how to teach reading ( but excited nonetheless) and unsure if I actually had sex with an alien and am now carrying around an E.T. fetus. Wow, it's no wonder I'm a bit discombobulated.
Despite all this uncertainty, though, tonight I'm in love with me and...I Feel Fine
In 2010, I turned 40 and spent a great part of that year figuring out some serious stuff in my life. Newly 42, I'm still on the path of discovery but feel I've come quite far. This tiny space is my save haven, one of the only places I can come to work through my worries, fears, exaltations, and endeavors. Thank you to those who've helped me along the way and those of you who stop by to read my crazy thoughts. Enjoy!
Perhaps you're discombobulated, but a good read anyway.
ReplyDeleteRandom thoughts:
ReplyDeleteBankruptcy is such a relief! Life opening the door on a spring morning and sweeping out a whole winter's worth of dust and crap right out into the great outdoors. A new start, a new unencumbered chance to begin again. Neutral feelings about that are absolutely fitting, I think. It is what it is. On the other side, you'll both be so free of that particular worry. And...you know...it'll be a trial that you've survived together. There's some no small value in that.
Unsure. So who is sure about their financial future, their marital future, their ability to do a job the next day (some of it depends on the students and their reactions, too)? The alien thing...well, who really knows about that either? If you were pregnant by an alien, would a pregnancy test even be effective? Like scientists being sure that no life can exist on some planets because there is no oxygen: Does EVERY life form require oxygen? And how would we know that?
Scattered. It's the full moon...I've got it too.
3 things...
ReplyDelete1. can't help but hear, "something tells me you're the alien sex..." in my head.
2. remember talking about our fave words? discombobulated is another of mine :)
3. exciting news about teaching reading! we have a lot to discuss!