I can't focus. I signed up to write a novel in November. The official/unofficial name of the contest is NaNoWriMo and I am supposed to write 50,000 words during this month.
Fiction is hard for me. I have no problem telling you all about the intimate, or mostly intimate, details of my life. Fiction is a bitch.
Funny how I can maintain a huge fantasy life within the confines of my feeble mind, but writing about fantasy and unreal things just kills me.
I don't know how I'm going to make it to 50,000 words.
Either way, I plan to try.
In many ways, it's infringing on my blogging, but I've had a hard time blogging anyway. First of all, I grew tired of hearing myself whine. Blah, blah, poor me, blah. Secondly, I really turned inward for a while. I realize that for many, many nights, I was only talking to myself.
That is cuh-razy! I don't just talk to myself. I'm a communicator, the reacher outer. An "I can't be alone" sort of gal.
Tonight, when I pulled into the temporary housing, a wave of loneliness washed over me. In that moment, I began panicking. Like, full on panic attack! I can't be alone, whatever will I do? Who can I call, text, send subliminal messages to?
And then, saner heads prevailed. This voice in my head started consoling me. It was telling me things like, guess what? Loneliness is OKAY. Loneliness is not the end of the world. People are lonely all the time and there is no need to rush to find someone or something to fill the void.
And as I worked through the moment, I came out just fine!
Here I am, watching crap cable t.v. and gearing up to write complete and utter drivel for my novel challenge.
And, more importantly, I'm alright.
I think everyone else is okay, too. I can't know for sure, but the boys seem fine. Fine, as in, good.
Anyway. Day 4 and here I sit.
If anyone wants to email, I am still lonely, but happy...
Night all!
K
In 2010, I turned 40 and spent a great part of that year figuring out some serious stuff in my life. Newly 42, I'm still on the path of discovery but feel I've come quite far. This tiny space is my save haven, one of the only places I can come to work through my worries, fears, exaltations, and endeavors. Thank you to those who've helped me along the way and those of you who stop by to read my crazy thoughts. Enjoy!
Good luck with the writing! :-D
ReplyDelete-Your Cheerleader
I signed up for NaNoWriMo too, but didn't get started on Nov 1 because I was traveling and then I got a cold and then...oh, I just gave up. Maybe next year...and I'll cheat and start early!
ReplyDeleteGlad the kids are okay. I hope you can enjoy the solitude and take the time for yourself. It really is a gift. It gives you time to work through the changes without the pressure of other people.
Take care...change is hard but the alternative could be worse!
Kate, I think it's great that your writing a novel and I don't mind sharing you with the novel, although, I do love reading your blog-I deal! :)
ReplyDeleteYou're never alone as long as you have the internet-it can masquerade loneliness and fill in that void. See I am emailing you and thinking of you, right now, so you're not alone, lady!
You are in the very early and baby step-like stages of your new life and I am so happy to hear the boys seem to be doing good.