I finally sent my close friends an update email about the state of my life.
Yeah, I'm an ass. All you cyber readers knew I had moved out before my true, blue, love of my life friends did.
Here's why. Hopefully, all of you will be able to understand.
First of all, I am exhausting. I know it. My past year or more has been 'me, me, me' and I get that a whole bunch of 'me' is really annoying. My saga has been the SOS (same ol shit) for months upon months. I just think that friends can only take so much and I feel like I exceeded "so much" about six months ago.
So, when the time came for me to move out, I just did it. I didn't announce it or debate it or ask for advice. I knew I had to to it. The time had come, no matter what anyone thought (not that I'd ever had dissenting voices from the people who love me).
I just was trying to find me. And me means me. The me I am at the end of the day when no one is around to ask what we should have for dinner. The me who decides what time everyone (me) goes to bed, the me who does anything and everything she wants.
(On a side note, I MISS my kids. ME doesn't want to be solo. I want my kids in my life always, let me make that clear).
So, I moved out. In some ways, it's huge. In other ways, it just is what it is. Much like everything else in life.
Heidi Klum is hot, even after three kids. Just is what it is. Tom Brady is a gifted athlete who can knock up a supermodel, dump his former girlfriend and still be her baby daddy, grow his hair long, and still rack in huge bucks as an NFL quarterback. Yeah, doesn't feel fair but it just IS WHAT IT IS.
Plus, Tom Brady is gross, so I hardly care.
Anyway, back to me. Friends of mine, I'm still here, where I have always been. One third of me being the best mom I know how to be, despite all my flaws, another third of me being the best teacher I can possibly be, and the last third of me working massively hard to figure out who I am while constantly perched behind this laptop. Hit me up on email if you want. I'm always receptive!
I love everyone. Including A and S. Which has probably been the biggest problem of my life.
But I love all my friends too and now, more than ever, I need you. I'm asking out loud.
I need you and love you and I will be great, I just feel it!
Love you!
K
In 2010, I turned 40 and spent a great part of that year figuring out some serious stuff in my life. Newly 42, I'm still on the path of discovery but feel I've come quite far. This tiny space is my save haven, one of the only places I can come to work through my worries, fears, exaltations, and endeavors. Thank you to those who've helped me along the way and those of you who stop by to read my crazy thoughts. Enjoy!
I love and miss you dearly, friend of mine <3 xo
ReplyDeleteHang in there Kate. Do you have a plan for the holidays? You need a plan to ease the transition to the new reality.
ReplyDeleteHey Nana,
ReplyDeleteWe do have plans and I feel good about them. The kids and I are heading to the country to visit my sister and my dad for several days. My sister has two boys the exact (within two months) same age as two of mine and they are best buds.
A will go to his parents.
I'm excited.
As for Christmas, we haven't gotten that far yet, but it might look like a family slumber party in the living room or something.
We are flexible and open.
Thanks for asking!
I think that waiting until you know how to phrase your news, and how to deal with whatever feedback you might get, does not an ass of you make.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me you're handling all of this remarkably well. There doesn't seem to be that "trying to manage everything and everybody all the time" with you these days.
Quite the relief, no?
June,
ReplyDeleteIt feels different this time. There is more peace, less turmoil.
I have an underlying (or is it overwhelming, nah, I'll go with underlying) sense of "all will be well" about this.
Thanks for your support!
For the record, you are *NOT* Tom Brady. :-P
ReplyDeleteSometimes, we can't help but compare ourselves to others because it is just a natural reaction, but you nailed it by saying that you have to focus on yourself!
We are here for you (albeit if we respond a couple of days late)! :-D
-Your Cheerleader