Finding Forty, Day 177; Steady

The weekends bite me.  Every time.  I go through the week, for the most part rocking and rolling, feeling strong and stable and then Friday afternoon arrives and in sets the doubt, the anxiety, the overall feeling of sadness and confusion.

This weekend was no exception, although now that it is just about over with I realize that I made it.

I saw a really special friend yesterday and she and I shopped a bit, laughed, and talked.   We mapped out our plan to lose weight by early next year and I am excited about making positive changes.

Today, I stopped by the house on my way "home" and A and I went to lunch.  I wanted him to read a book about the five love languages, mostly just to get his thoughts on a specific chapter.

After reading the book, I know full well that my "love language" is quality time.  More than anything that is what I need to be fulfilled and the book does an excellent job of putting into words, with concrete examples, what I have had a hard time telling A.

I think, there is a part of me, that wants him to read it to understand what it is I've needed and to see if he thinks he is able and willing to do those things for me.

I don't want to push the book on him, but I do want him to read it.

From our lunch and talks today, I gather that he's mostly happier with me gone.  I'm not sure exactly how that makes me feel.  Part of me is saddened by that, while the other part of me feels a bit relieved.

I can't wait until I fall on either side of the fence definitively, but for now, I will just accept that this is where we are.

I almost feel apologetic for not having any drama to report, but it's been a slow few days and more and more, I cherish days like this.

I'm looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday.

Cheers,
K