Friday, July 2, 2010

Finding Forty, Day 37; Cheating

I'm cheating on my therapist. I never meant for it to happen and I still have feelings for her, but...well, she's moving to Kenya in a month and I have to start looking for someone else.

When I texted her to ask for people she'd recommend for me to move on to, she wrote back a somewhat cryptic reply.

"Thinking we should talk about that face 2 face, have a few questions, things I want you to consider. Did u want to make an appointment or wait until its closer?"

I must confess, what she wrote left this insecure, self doubter full of uncertainty. My knee jerk reaction was, "She must want to squeeze another 100 bucks out of me before she moves. It can't be cheap to relocate to Kenya." Except I'm not really a cynic (or wasn't before I got my heart smashed to pieces).

It's far more my style to have a conversation in my head that goes something like this. "Oh my god, she has things she wants me to consider! Does she know my darkest secrets? Am I a failure at therapy? Have I done something wrong in my quest to figure out who I am?"

Sane me says she just wants closure before moving on or to help me make sure I'm on the right path. I suppose I'll find out next week.

In the meantime though, I called a local psychologist who is a published author and specializes in adolescence. It always bugged me that my therapist didn't have kids. I never quite felt like her encouragement to put ME first was completely sympathetic of the fact that I have three kids who need me too.

When I called to make the appointment with the new counselor, I had no idea I'd be able to get in BEFORE seeing old therapist.

So, technically, I'm cheating on her by seeing someone else without her knowledge.

Oh well, life is short and I need help as soon as possible!

And besides, it's not like she does my hair and will be able to tell that I've had someone else cutting or coloring it. Other than cheating on your spouse, that's gotta be the riskiest philandering of all!

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