Why did we break up? Why did I stray?
I'll do my best. Please promise you won't get mad. Please.
You are everything you always were to and for me. Organized, calculated, hard working, determined. Really solid.
Those are admirable qualities, but I think I need more.
You don't open up very much. When you get home from work, you are silent. When you do talk, it's about stories you've heard online or on the radio. A regurgitation of facts bores me. I can read those in any book, on any website. What I can't find anywhere else is how YOUR mind ticks.
I'm not interested in the quest for knowledge like you are. I don't want to be stupid, but I'd rather know ME better first. That is the knowledge that will see me through.
You are an amazing father and a rock solid support for me. I can't turn my back on those things easily at all. Those are very hard to come by, I know.
And yet, I go through my days resentful and angry. Of what? I have no clue.
I fell in love with someone else. We were able to talk on the phone for hours on end, never running out of things to say. Maybe it was because it was new. But, maybe not.
We sparred, teased, laughed. A LOT. I could call him on all his bullshit and he'd admit defeat. Then we'd laugh some more.
You are sexy and attractive, but sometimes I feel like I've lost my spark for you. I hate that though, I really do.
On paper, you are more than amazing.
I think, I would tell my friend or therapist that I've matured since I was 18 and newly interacting with a boyfriend.
I've learned what I need in a relationship to make it work for me...insane amounts of talking and lots of laughter.
I would say we broke up because we grew up and apart. Our relationship ran its course and the aftermath was too much to deal with.
Our friendship is our foundation, a gift we share.
I could be totally wrong though. That is what paralyzes me. What if this tender understanding and support you show me turns out to be the most pure love I ever know? I'd hate myself forever for giving it up.
I'm stuck. I want to be free, but I fear I'm making the greatest mistake of my life in an impetuous, selfish move.
So, I stay, hoping eventually, it'll all work out.
Please don't be mad. I'm confused.
I do love you,