Thursday, July 8, 2010
Finding Forty, Day 43; Land of The Lost
New and improved me is going okay.
I feel like I'm walking a tightrope, where by placing one foot precariously in front of the other, in a painstakingly deliberate fashion, I will manage to somehow make it to the other side.
R asked me yesterday, "Does any of this feel forced?" and I shocked myself with an honest to god, out loud laugh.
"Fuck yes, it feels forced," I explained. "But, I think that's okay for now. I think for a little bit, it's going to be awkward and maybe even uncomfortable. I suppose in time, if the stifled part doesn't go away, THEN we worry, or at the very least, move on to Plan E."
In trying with A, I already see some positive changes. He's been home on time for the past two nights. Small potatoes, I know, but every little bit helps. As for me, I've had dinner decided and just about ready when he rolls in. I'm trying to touch him more and last night, he actually made me laugh.
I borrowed a book from a friend and had been reading all afternoon about the mind/body connection, particularly as it relates to women and their innate wisdom about their personal health. I was describing to A how we feed off of the energy of the Earth and how that directly connects to the seven specific vibrational centers in our bodies, otherwise known as chakras.
Without missing a beat, A deadpans, "Isn't that that little, hairy guy from Land of The Lost?" and then, "Chakra, watch out for the Sleestak!"
My laughter couldn't be contained. It was a funny moment for us and trust me, lately, there haven't been many.
Slowly, surely, I will reach that other side. What I find once my feet are firmly on the platform is left to be seen, but for now, I'm happy to be moving out of the Land of the Lost towards that of the Found.